What are some of the ways that you can check on your toddler or baby’s mental health?
We’re joined by Dr Zara Rahemtulla who offered some advice on how you can look after your little one’s mental health in difficult times.
Read on to find out how you can help to look after your toddler or baby’s mental health
What do we need to consider when it comes to baby and toddler mental health?
There is very little conversation about mental health when combined with babies, toddlers and children. Those who have a lot going on in their families will probably notice that it can influence your child’s behaviour as well as your own.
If you are currently going through a multitude of changes in your home life, then that can be very unsettling for your children. Depending on the situation, it could change their routine in lots of ways. Maybe they are going to nursery less, or perhaps they’re seeing less of their grandparents/extended family. Babies and toddlers love repetition, so these changes could be quite confusing or frustrating for them.
It’s difficult to know if there’s something on their mind: babies and toddlers can’t express themselves fully with words. But if a few things are going on at home right now, you might notice a few changes in their behaviour.
You might notice changes such as:
- Crying more frequently for no reason,
- Sleep difficulties all of a sudden (e.g. problems going to sleep, staying asleep, having nightmares).
- More clingy than usual.
- They may be whinier
- More meltdowns and temper tantrums.
These aren’t the limitations as to how little people might be trying to say they are struggling. But some of these might be an indication that they are struggling with a concept right now.
Ways you can help your child
There are lots of ways you can help your child. Below are some suggestions that hopefully help with a range of ages:
Watch, listen and observe their play
It may sound strange, but play is such an important source of knowledge. It can give us huge insight into what may be going through a toddler’s mind! Toddlers will often ‘act out’ various scenarios as a way of trying to communicate the things they are worried about.
For example, if you currently have an unwell relative, you might have noticed your toddler playing ‘doctors’ or ‘hospitals’ more, or pretending animals or dolls are sick, as a way of processing what they are hearing. You might have noticed they want to involve you in their play more (or they are playing less independently). They may start pretending to be a cat or a dog that needs taking care of and needs extra comfort.
The main message here is that whatever your child has started to do with their play, follow their lead and go with it. Their way of communicating with you is that they may need extra reassurance at the moment. Don’t dismiss their play or tell them, take notice and comment on what you see them doing.
Keep in mind: Big feelings are difficult to communicate
When your baby or toddler is experiencing big feelings, they may feel happier when having more time with you and unhappy about other changes. The best way to help your child with their big feelings is to try and understand them.
You don’t need to always get it right! Young children feel helped when their parents try and understand their feelings. You are the best person to soothe and reassure your baby or toddler. You might try and name something for them, “you’re feeling frustrated because we’ve been inside all day”, or “you’re really missing your grannie and the stories she used to read you”.
Your older toddler and their mental health:
The below advice is more applicable to an older toddler who has more cognitive skills and who may be able to communicate with you verbally.
Welcome questions
A slightly older toddler (age 3+) may be able to ask you questions about a situation. They may ask questions that seem quite irrelevant, but these are important questions in a child’s world. Take their questions seriously and don’t dismiss them.
Give fact-based information in your answers
Be factual, but of course age age-appropriate with your answers. I must stress that it is okay to not know the answers to everything, because depending on the situation you may be as much in the dark as they are. You can absolutely say “I don’t know” when you don’t know the answer. Saying something like, “I don’t know, but as soon as I know more I promise I will let you know” is perfect. Your goal here is to help your child feel heard and understood and for them to feel like you are available to them if they need to ask you something.
Give reassurance
Be reassuring to your child if they are worrying about things that are currently concerning them. Another way to reassure a child is to help them feel involved in a process – children feel less worried when they know what’s happening. If you can find the root of their worries, then involving them in little ways can help them to feel reassured.
Dr Zara Rahemtulla, Clinical Psychologist
If you would like more support with understanding your child’s behaviours, please get in touch with Gentle Journeys. They can help parents with how to respond to tricky child behaviour, with general parenting strategies and they support parents with their mental health and well-being. You can follow them on Instagram, and their website is www.gentlejourneys.org
Want to get out and about, have fun with your baby or toddler, and meet other parents?
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