16 things mums with PND wish you knew

16 things mums with PND wish you knew

by | Jan 19, 2018 | Maternal Mental Health, Parenting, PND, Postnatal

Last week I asked the lovely mums in my Facebook group “What do you wish more people understood about PND?” I was surprised at how many responses I got, and wanted to share them. From mums who want to help bust the myths of postnatal depression and to end the stigma.

Why it’s so important for mums to speak out to bust PND myths

I want to share what mums had to say so that any other new mums struggling out there can take strength and courage from their words. So that any family or friend supporting someone with PND can understand them more fully. Because both the sufferer, and those caring around them need to understand what PND is. Without the sufferer realising what they are fighting they often won’t get help. And without those around them understanding as best they can, the sufferer may feel judged or uncared for.

Below are the responses I received. Some are quite similar, but I wanted to share different mums’ ways of putting it with the hope that it would resonate with many mums struggling currently.

What do you wish more people understood about PND to bust the myths?

Here are some of the myths about postnatal depression mums want people to know and the reality they want more to understand:

What PND looks and feels like:

  • It presents itself differently in people, and you can experience it more than once.
  • I wish that I understood I had it earlier.
  • I wish I knew I was not alone and that PND is so common
  • Just because it looks like you are coping and you keep telling everyone you are fine doesn’t mean you are.
  • For some of us its more about anxiety as opposed to feeling down.
  • Mine was stress and just feeling down rather than anything more sinister, but it’s still very isolating, especially when there seem to be no support groups you can just drop in to. That was all I needed really, plus practical help. Drugs and CBT were on offer but were completely not what I needed! And I wasn’t asked what I would’ve found helpful.
  • It’s not just feelings of sadness….it can be feelings of anger/sadness too. And present in many different symptoms. Oh and it’s not just straight after your baby is born, it can come on later.
  • It doesn’t only happen immediately after baby is born and sometimes can build up over a few months.
  • There is hope and recovery from PND but anti depressants shouldn’t be the first port of call for doctors. I know for me mine was caused by chronic insomnia not just sleepless nights with a new baby. I physically couldn’t sleep at any time even for 30 mins over a period of 18 weeks.

The myths surrounding Postnatal Depression that we need to bust:

  • That it’s an illness that isn’t your fault. And that needing meds isn’t a negative thing.
  • I wish more people understood the difference between ‘baby blues’ and PND and weren’t so quick to dismiss feelings of PND as ‘normal’.
  • That it’s an illness not a weakness.
  • That it’s a real illness and that we aren’t making it up because we are too tired.
  • That you can still appear to be functioning normally and looking after your baby well.
  • However under the surface things are not OK- and you are not making it up.
  • That getting more sleep is a quick fix – it goes deeper than that.
  • It’s OK to have PND. It’s not a disease, it’s not catching, and it’s OK, in fact more than OK to talk about it. Don’t be embarrassed, just talk. It really, really helps.

We have lots of support, advice and places to go to seek support in the PND section of our blog. Pandas Foundation is a wonderful first port of call. 

Are you looking for something to entertain your little ones?

Booking a baby or toddler class gives you and your child a reason to get out of the house. And it creates a session where you can meet and socialise with others. They’re great fun. They give you a chance to find support and friendship, which might lead to other play dates and meet ups too.

Find a class today!

You might also like:

9 ways to support someone through PND

The brutal truth about PND

How to tell if it’s PND or the baby blues

5 ways to make mum friends

5 ways to make mum friends

by | Jan 14, 2018 | Parent, Parenting, Support Systems

Becoming a mum is a daunting time for anyone. Especially if you’re the first one of your friends to have a baby, or if your friends all have older children. Having mum friends around to keep you company through the long days and sleepless nights is invaluable. But, for some of us, meeting new people can be (almost) as daunting as having a child.

Feeling lonely? You’re not alone

Loneliness is also reported to effect 9 in 10 mums. As it can lead to maternal mental health issues such as post-natal depression it’s important to build a good local support network around you.

Here are some ways to make friends with other mums.

1. Go to your local baby & toddler group

Baby and toddler groups are a great way to meet mums, in your local area. They give you a chance to offload or ask questions to people in a similar situation to you, and your child gets to socialise too! Sometimes there is a cost associated with classes, but you can often find toddler groups at local churches that are either free or only a small charge – normally including coffee and cake!

2. Head to your local library

Many libraries have story time sessions or sing-a-longs for children. Not only are these a good way to meet other parents, but they’re also a great way to introduce your children to books and libraries from a very young age. They are generally free too!

3. Join a local Facebook Group

A lot of local areas now have their own Facebook groups where people share local news and events. You might find something to go to, or you might start chatting to new people in comments and discussions. There might even be someone to virtually keep you company during night time feeds.

There are loads of great online apps too where you can connect and arrange to meet up with other parents. We have put them all together in our Find Your Tribe directory. Your new mum friend might just be a click away!

4. Join Happity

If you’re reading this then there’s a good chance that you have already heard of Happity. But if you haven’t, Happity allows you to find and book local baby and toddler classes. Class leaders know that lots of parents will feel a little nervous the first time they come to a class and make a huge effort to make their classes welcoming. You’ll often meet the same group of parents in classes and, over the weeks, will find that you become friends.

5. Be the first one to say ‘Hi’

This one can sound pretty scary, but someone has to make the first move to become friends. Start smiling or saying hello to any mums you meet in the park or at a coffee shop. You might not click, and that’s okay, but at least you’ll know you tried. I’ve had a few strange looks, but many great chats this way!

You might also like:

Find Your Tribe

Mum friends – 6 reasons they’re so brilliant

Loneliness as a new mum – one mum’s story