As soon as we become parents we can be vulnerable and feel our anxiety rising. As wonderful as it is to give birth and bring a new baby into the world, it can be scary too. And it can feel overwhelming at times. Here are some practical ways you can manage your anxiety when it hits you. Simple and actionable ways you can feel calmer and more in control.
Parents are feeling anxiety three times more since we experienced the first lockdown and the start of the pandemic a year ago. But anxiety has been felt by parents since the dawn of time and we are no strangers to it. However, if it increases, it can present mental and physical health problems, which is an additional threat to our children too. So finding ways to manage anxiety has never been more important for us and also our families.
So What Is Anxiety And How Can We Manage It?
Believe it or not, anxiety is a normal part of us. It’s there to keep us safe when we think or experience something is going to happen. I like to think of my anxiety like an inner lioness. A fierce protector that is getting me into high alert should I need to defend myself or my children. However, she is hyper vigilant and often appears when I don’t actually need her. So those thoughts that tell me there is danger (or has been), may not be so realistic. But my lioness doesn’t differentiate between fact and imagination, and by realising that, we are able to take the first steps to tame her.
In essence, if we can welcome anxiety and see it for what it is, it often lessens as soon as we do so. By recognising anxiety for what it is, we in effect, take back a smidgen of control and can process in a more healthy way. Once we see anxiety for what it is; our inner protector, we can take steps to become more rational-minded and calm again.
So What Does Anxiety Feel Like?
Often anxiety feels like a racing heart, a tight chest, sweaty palms, dry mouth and a feeling of wanting to run, hide or an inability to think clearly. It is triggered by a thought, or by an experience. Once we notice it, we can take steps to master it, although at first, we may have an inner experience that would have us believe it’s the other way around (it is master of us!).
As with everything in life, if we practice it enough, it becomes habit. So here are my top tips to practice when you are feeling fine as well as when you start to notice anxiety standing guard and creeping into your thoughts and feelings.
5 Steps To Manage Your Anxiety
Notice the thought/anxiety – Say to yourself “I notice that I am having the thought that…. or “I notice I am feeling…”.
Name it – This is anxiety/anger/frustration/fear, etc.
Ground yourself with a hand on heart anchor – Cross your arms around your chest – really allow yourself to feel held. Say to yourself “I am held, I am safe” . Take as long as you need until you feel your calm mode kicking in. Visualise being held and safe too.
Breathe – Take 5 deep breaths in through your nose and out of your mouth – with a longer exhale. Think about the oxygen coming in, and the stress going out…
Affirm – Say to yourself: “These are just thoughts and I know my reality is…. It will be okay/ I know I can do this / I am safe”
If you can, get used to this when you are feeling normal, so that you can be conditioned to spring from anxious to calm when you really need to. But also, practice befriending your inner protector, as you never know when you really will need it and it’s there to guard you and keep you safe.
If you would like to know more about my work as The Mamma Coach and how I can support you 1:1 or with Beyond Birth: A Mindful Guide to Early Parenting and the groups and Mental Wellbeing Practitioner Training, then please see the website or get in touch with me here [email protected]
Are you worried about how lockdown is affecting your baby or toddler’s mental health? If so, you’re not alone.
Recently there was a viral video of a little girl walking along the street, stopping every few steps to ‘clean her hands’. It had the caption: ‘When your first year of life is 2020 was all about HAND SANITIZING’.
She’s adorable, as toddlers are when they copy what they see Mummy or Daddy do in their play. The video taps into one of the biggest things parents worry about right now, which is how growing up in a pandemic will affect our babies and toddlers.
Growing up in this ‘new normal’
The world our babies and toddlers are growing up in one where adults wear masks and keep their distance. It’s a world based within their own homes, where they only have their parents for company: a world where they only see Grandma and Grandad on Zoom or through a window.
In many ways it is one of the invisible costs of the pandemic. Will growing up in this strange new ‘normal’ have a lasting effect on our baby or toddler’s development and mental health?
Mums and dads are feeling the stress too
Living through a pandemic has taken its toll on us all. Some days feel OK but others feel rubbish.
Parental guilt is not a new thing. Right now we are feeling it in spades, worrying about whether our children will pick up on our anxiety and if it will it damage them?
We always urge mums and dads to banish any guilt they feel. Right now – that’s even more important.
One of the best things we can do to help our children is to take care of ourselves and make sure we are OK. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed at times. So when you do, take time to escape in whatever way you can. That might be taking a few deep breaths. Or it might be carving out time in your day to unwind in whatever way you can.
Emily Tredget, from Team Happity says:
It is important to remember that in keeping our babies healthy and well, we need to first remember to keep ourselves healthy and well. Often we forget about ourselves, but like on an airplane, we need to put our oxygen mask on first.
Your baby and toddler’s mental health
Little ones don’t have the vocabulary or the emotional maturity to explain their feelings. Often they show you their feelings through their behaviour.
You are enough!
One of the most important things to remember is that you are the centre of your baby or child’s world. Your love, time and attention is what they need. And it’s what will make them thrive.
Lockdown days have a peculiar sense of time. Spending it together can benefit your child.
You are enough. None of us expected to be parenting in a pandemic and we have to be kind to ourselves.
Top tips to help support your baby & toddler with their mental health:
When you pass people in the street on your daily walk say ‘Hello’, smile and wave. Chances are they’ll greet you back. Even though we’re all keeping a distance you will be teaching your child to welcome the people they meet in their day to day lives and showing them how friendly they are.
Welcome everyone who knocks on your door with a big smile and tell your child who they are and why they are at your door – whether it’s the postman delivering letters or the delivery man dropping off food. Even in a mask and at a safe distance they will more than likely enjoy getting such a warm welcome and chat to your little one.
Your baby or toddler often shows their feelings in their play. Watch what they do and join in. For example, if your toddler pretends a toy cat or dog is sad and needs care, get down and play along with them – talking about how the toy is feeling and how you both can help them feel better.
Verbalise their feelings. If your child is sad or withdrawn put their feelings into words. This shows that you understand and care. For example you might say: ‘I can see you feel cross right now because we can’t go out and play. Why don’t we choose a jigsaw or toy to play with together?’
Talk about the people you see in books and on TV. Focusing on how friendly they are and talking about all the kind people we meet, who help us.
Show your child photos of their extended family. Babies and toddlers are drawn to faces and can recognise them if you show them often. Say the names of your family as you point to the photos. Your baby and child might not get much out of a Zoom call or Facetime with Gran and Grandad but it’s another way of showing them the faces that will be an important part of their lives.
Join in online baby & toddler classes. We KNOW they’re not the same as face to face classes but they are the next best thing in lockdown. And your baby or toddler will be super engaged and love them. They also break up the long and lonely lockdown days for you too. Find loads to choose from and book them on Happity.
Short of birthday party ideas and worried about how to make your child’s birthday extra special in lockdown? When we’re all cooped up at home and can’t invite family or friends round for a kids party it can feel tricky to know where to start to make your child’s birthday magical!
We asked the parents on our Facebook group to share tried and tested lockdown birthday ideas to make your child’s day a special one to remember. And they delivered – in spades!
Here are some of the fabulous ways they made their child’s day amazing – that you can do too. To make your child’s birthday one to remember – even in lockdown.
1.Go BIG on the decorations
Lockdown is the time to GO BIG on the decorations. Tons of balloons, bunting, paper chains, fairy lights… There’s no such thing as too much for a lockdown birthday. Go to town with the decorations and watch your child’s eyes light up as they wake up to see the house festooned in celebration of their big day.
2. Lockdown cosy dens- make a special place to play
One way to make home a more exciting space for your child is to put up a tent or den – to make an exciting space for them to eat their birthday meals in and to play with their toys after they’ve unwrapped their presents. You can buy or hire beautiful teepees and tents for a special touch but your preschooler will be just as happy with a homemade den made from blankets draped over chairs or a clothes horse and kitted out with cushions and fairy lights.
3. Spread out the present opening with a treasure hunt
Opening the presents is the highlight of any birthday. But with little ones it can be all over in minutes. Spin out the present opening excitement by making a treasure hunt for your child to hunt and seek their gifts. You could make rhyming clues for older ones or cards with pictures for younger ones. Another fab idea is to wrap lots of little stocking filler type gifts in tissue paper (a different colour for each sibling) and hide them around your house and garden or the kids to find.
4. Themed crafts and activities
This one takes a little bit of prep and planning but could bring big smiles to your child’s face. Pick a theme that your child will love and plan decorations, crafts and activities to go along with it.
Emma said:
“We are doing an indoor safari. Bringing in his little tykes car from the garden to drive round and have blow-up animals to find with lots of balloons to look like leaves and trees. We will do some animal art and craft activities too”
5. Host a Zoom party with one of our class providers
We can’t plan the usual birthday parties but thanks to the power of Zoom, virtual get togethers are the next best thing. They’re a great way of joining your child’s friends together to celebrate and have tons of fun together.
Many of our Happity class providers also run Zoom parties. We’ve been to a few and think they’re fab. The party hosts make sure they involve all the guests and keep them engaged and entertained – joining in songs, games, stories and lots and lots of fun.
Nina said:
“We ‘went’ to a zoom party for a 5th birthday the other week. Brilliantly organised with a themed backdrop (superheroes), a count-the-balloons video clip, guess the animal noises, musical statues (including superheroes and cartoon characters), guess the cartoon character, some disco dancing, drop-off-the-screen game, treasure hunt (yey, finally a bonus to having toys and mess everywhere) and a few other bits. Kept 2 kids glued to the screen for an hour.
And no whinging about party bags or cake or prizes”
6. Cake and blowing out the candles with all the family
Everyone loves a bit of birthday cake – and blowing out the candles is a must! Make it special by planning a Zoom meeting with the family – so they can share the special moment. They can sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and watch your child blow out their candles. If you can arrange for them to have their own cake or cupcake with a candle too they can feel even more involved as they share the experience.
7. Bubbles, bounce and slushies!
One special thing can make your child’s big day feel magical. Whether it’s a slushie machine, a bubble machine or a bouncy castle – something a little out of the ordinary can mark the day as something magical.
8. Special birthday tea
For your child’s birthday tea cook or order in a treat. Whatever their favourite meal is. Whether that’s pizza or fish and chips or pasta. Set the tea table (or tent) with party plates, napkins and cups. And make the meal an occasion that your child will enjoy.
9. Snuggly movie night in jamas
Create a cinema experience at home by downloading a favourite family movie and making popcorn and drinks in special cups. Snuggle down and enjoy a family film together. It’s a great way to end the special day with some cosy calm family time.
You might worry that your child’s birthday in lockdown will be a bit of a disappointment – but with a little planning, a whole lot of decoration and some Zoom magic you can still make it a special day to remember.
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