We’re joined by Peaceful Parenting Coach, Lauren O’Carroll, who has been kind enough to write a blog for us explaining how gentle parenting can work for all kinds of families. Lauren is an ADHD mum of 2 girls with a passion for helping neurodiverse parents and parents of neurodiverse families to access the wisdom of current science-backed parenting research and reduce overwhelm and chaos in their homes.
Take it away, Lauren!
When I Say Gentle Parenting, What Do You Imagine?
I used to imagine a serene mother walking around her perfectly uncluttered, neutral-toned, child-proofed space. She gracefully crouches down to speak to her perfectly behaved older child before sitting down with the baby in a pristine corner to breastfeed, a glass of freshly poured iced water sitting beside her (on a coaster of course).
As a peaceful parenting coach with a large helping of ADHD reactiveness and explosivity, I can assure you this is not reality. I have worked with many of the big names in the field and they all own the bad moments. Their homes aren’t picture-perfect (except perhaps for the space they’ve cleared for their Instagram shoot) and they all admit to shouting at times.
Of course, some parents are more naturally peaceful than others. And I’m guessing you’re here because you find this stuff hard. I’m right there with you.
Aim For 50 – 70%
Let’s start with the fundamental truth. It is not possible to be perfect. Yet when it comes to parenting, so many of us strive for perfection and beat ourselves up when we fall short. This is doubly troublesome as it not only makes us feel bad.
It also makes us more reactive. Winnicott’s research conducted in the 1950s informs us that parents only need to get it right up around 70% of the time for children to be securely attached. Susan Woodhouse pushes this back even further in her 2019 research on babies’ attachment suggesting that we only need to get it right 50% of the time as we learn our new role as parents. The conclusion? Let yourself off the hook.
Self Compassion
The best thing we can do instead of beating ourselves up is to be self-compassionate. When we are kind and understanding towards ourselves, we are in a much better place to extend that same compassion to our children – in a genuine way. If your kids aren’t responding to your empathy and compassion this is a surefire sign that you need to work on your own self-compassion.
They are not responding to it, because they don’t believe it. They don’t believe it because you, subconsciously, don’t believe that anyone is really deserving of empathy and compassion either. It is a message you probably internalised as a very young child. This is a life’s work but start with this: Give yourself permission to be human, apologise when you have stepped out of line, and then forgive yourself and allow yourself to move forward and learn. The three steps to a self-compassionate moment are:
Get mindful: Stop what you are doing, close your eyes and notice what is going on in your body. Breathe
Common Humanity: Remind yourself that you are not the only person who would be finding this moment hard. This experience is a shared human experience. You are not alone
Self-kindness: What do you need right now? Can you give yourself some kind words? Can you give yourself a hug? Do you need to lie down for a minute? Meet that need as best you can.
You may find coming up with a self-compassionate mantra that you say when things get hard will remind you to do this.
I use: Roots, Nurture, Space (more about this later).
‘This is a hard moment. Anyone would find this hard. You will get through this. You’re doing great.’
Notice Your Stressors And Triggers:
Try to notice the times you react. What everyday things present stressors? Can you minimise these as much as you can? Are there any triggers that persistently come up? These are usually those times when you seem to react for no apparent reason. The trigger is what is behind the reaction, and it usually comes from our childhood.
Roots, Nurture, Space
The framework I use is roots, nurture space and I use this both to regulate ourselves in the moment and as a framework for supporting families more broadly.
Let’s Start With Self-Regulation:
ROOTS:
Stop what you are doing and ground yourself. Take some deep breaths and imagine roots growing down from your feet deep into the earth and steadying you. You are safe. You are held.
NURTURE:
Notice your body. What physical sensations are you feeling? What does your body want to do? Sit down? Stamp? Squeeze? Pummel something? Try to follow the movement and allow the emotion to move through you without trying to push it away without getting stuck in the story of what is upsetting you. Just notice the sensations. Did you know emotions only last in our bodies for 90 seconds if we do this? And the even better news is, once we start to process them they’ll stop coming back!
SPACE:
The final piece is space. This is just a prompt to see if you are ready to return to the battlefield or if you need more space. It’s also a prompt to ask yourself whether your child/ren needs space or if they are ready to connect.
Peaceful Parenting Includes Self-Love
Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles we’ll ever undertake. It’s the most important job we’ll ever do and one in which there is a huge amount of scrutiny, very little support and the expectation that you can undertake it with absolutely no training.
I encourage you to serve yourself a huge helping of self-compassion, let go of perfect aim for good enough and reach out for help if you need it.
Want to get out and about, have fun with your baby or toddler, and meet other parents?
Search Happity to find everything that’s happening for the under-5’s in your local area – from music and singing classes, to messy play, arts and crafts, baby massage, gymnastics and more. Simply enter your postcode and child’s age to search, and then book your spot in a few taps. Enjoy dedicated fun time with your little one, watch their skills develop, and make friends at the same time. Mums, dads, grandparents and carers will all find something to love!
Looking for things to add to your I-Spy list and spot outside with your toddler?
The promise of sunnier and warmer days in spring gets us more willing to get outside to play, but with the hit-and-miss weather, we are not quite ready for long days in the garden or out to the beach. However, you can still enjoy being outside with your toddler this spring and going for a walk is the perfect way.
When you head out for a walk at this time of year, make it into a fun game and see how many things you can spot whilst out. Most children are a lot more observant than us adults and often spot things whilst travelling that we easily miss, but turning your walk into a scavenger hunt is a fantastic game to play together and will keep them walking a little longer before they start whinging that their legs ache!
To give you some inspiration on what to look for here’s a list of 60 things you can spot with your toddler this spring from Karen, the creator of Tot’s Playtime Box’s bright, fun and educational I Spy Cards.
Animals, Bugs & Birds
As spring approaches, we start to see lots more animals out and about, if you live in the countryside, you will see lots more than in the city but keep an eye out as you never know where you might spot an animal travelling around!
1. Lambs
2. Chicks
3. Ducklings
4. Rabbits
5. Squirrels
6. Caterpillar
7. Bee
8. Ladybird
9. Butterfly
10. Worm
11. Blackbird
12. Sparrow
13. Blue Tit
14. Swan
15. Kingfisher
16. Woodpecker
17. Dragonflies
18. Frogspawn
Nature
There’s lots of nature to spot in spring, especially with new flowers, buds and plants starting to grow.
19. Hatched eggs
20. Green leaves
21. Buds
22. Seedlings
23. Wild Garlic
24. Puddles
25. Feather
26. Birds Nest
27. Daisies
28. Daffodil
29. Crocus
30. Bluebell
31. Primroses
32. Snowdrop
33. Pink Blossom
34. White Blossom
35. Frost
In The Sky
Don’t forget to look up when out for a walk. Spring weather changes quickly so you can catch sight of rainbows and different clouds in a short space of time. You may also spot a colourful kite blowing in the wind or a hot air balloon floating along in the sunshine.
36. Rainbow
37. White Fluffy Clouds
38. Grey Clouds
39. Sun
40. Kite
41. Hot Air Balloon
People
When spring hits and the weather improves, everyone enjoys being outside. More people head outside to exercise, the gardeners come out to tend to their gardens and you see lots more families enjoying the sunshine. Who will you see?
41. Gardener
42. Runner
43. Cyclist
44. Mum & Child Walking
45. Dog Walker
46. Park Keeper
47. Builder
Easter
Easter coincides with spring and the shops are inundated with chocolate eggs and decorations. Keep an eye out for Easter-related items in shop windows.
48. Chocolate Easter Eggs
49. Easter Bunny
50. Easter Baskets
51. Colourful Decorated Eggs
52. Hot Cross Buns
Gardening
As nature blooms during spring, the gardeners come out to start planting seeds, cutting the grass and tending to their flower beds, they use lots of items to help them whilst gardening, which ones can you spot?
53. Lawnmower
54. Wheelbarrow
55. Watering Can
57. Spade
58. Flower Pots
59. Seeds
60. Gardening Gloves
You can go for a walk and see what you can spot but it’s also fun to take a scavenger hunt out that you can tick off when you see things. You could pick a few off the list and draw your own scavenger hunt, but if you don’t fancy doing it yourself, you can find ready-made scavenger hunts online to print at home or purchase reusable card sets.
Happy Spotting!
Karen xx
Tot’s Playtime Box
Karen is a mum of 2 energetic girls, the founder of Tot’s Playtime Box and an Early Years Play Expert from Norfolk. Karen knows exactly how to keep the kids happy with fun and easy activities as she has been entertaining them for nearly 20 years and now creates fun and exciting activity cards and books for ‘on the go’ kids.
Pop over to Tot’s Playtime Box website to see Karen’s best-selling I Spy Cards and all the fun activities she has to keep the kids entertained. You can also find her on Instagram – @totsplaytimebox
Want to get out and about, have fun with your baby or toddler, and meet other parents?
Search Happity to find everything that’s happening for the under-5’s in your local area – from music and singing classes, to messy play, arts and crafts, baby massage, gymnastics and more. Simply enter your postcode and child’s age to search, and then book your spot in a few taps. Enjoy dedicated fun time with your little one, watch their skills develop, and make friends at the same time. Mums, dads, grandparents and carers will all find something to love!
When babies are really young, is there a way for them to tell us that they love you?
Your bond with your baby starts before birth, and they can hear voices of loved ones in the womb. Babies will then form strong attachments to the special people in their life. When they are very little, they will not be able to say the words “I love you,” but they will definitely show their love!
Let’s look at some of the ways babies share their love – and appreciate how cute they are!
In The Early Months:
You’ve probably heard of the term the “4th trimester” – the first 3 or 4 months after birth, when a newborn is still adjusting to being outside the womb (and the mother is too!). Babies love being held especially at this time, when they are used to being held by the cosy womb.
In your baby’s first few months, look out for these cute actions that our babies use to tell us that they love you:
Little smiles and gurgles – from around 6 to 12 weeks, babies often start smiling (and not just because they have wind!). This shows they are pleased to see you, and their little gurgles will be their way of talking to you before they can communicate with words and actions.
They like looking at you, and hold your gaze – from birth babies can only see as far as your face when you hold them in your arms, and enjoy eye contact with you.
They reach out for you – when they see you come into the room, or want a hug .
They recognise your smell, and recognise your voice – even from birth a baby will be able to identify their mother by her smell, and be able to recognise familiar voices.
They will look at things you look at, and try to copy you. If you poke our tongue, they may do the same!
They grab your nose or your finger – those little hands have a good grip.
They want to be held you – babies enjoy the warmth and security of being held by a familiar person.
From Around 12 Months:
As they get a bit older, babies will be able to tell you they love them in more ways. Maybe you have seen some of these actions in your older baby/toddler:
They might blow kisses or give your a kiss – even if those kisses can be a bit snotty!
They look to you for reassurance, or how to react in new situations – maybe in a new place or with a new person, they will look at your reaction to check they are in a safe place.
They want to be close to you – that is why they often follow you to the bathroom!
More smiles and giggles – you will get even more smiles and giggles as your toddler is getting good at social cues.
Might call to you, little words like Mama, Dada, or whatever names you use – calling to you or using your name to get your attention.
They might be sad when you leave them – they may show a little bit of separation anxiety, which is a normal part of their development.
They might share their food with you/ push their food into your month – even if that food has been in their mouth already!
Acting up – although not an obvious sign of love, it shows that they are comfortable with you. You may notice that they will behave different at their childcare setting or for other family members that they do not know as well.
They copy you, and take an interest in things that you do – maybe they try to type on your laptop.
Why Is A Parent or Carer’s Touch So Great?
Cuddles with your baby, skin to skin time, and even just holding their hand, is soothing for them. This creates happy hormones for baby and parent/carer, and is calming for you baby. It creates a bond between baby and parent. Your interaction with baby helps them to learn social skills such as eye contact and “conversations,” maybe they coo back at you when you speak to them. It is impossible to spoil a baby by holding them too much, so enjoy those sleepy cuddles!
Enjoy Special Time Bonding With Your Little One
It is really special when our babies tell / show us they love us, and it is an amazing feeling as a parent to see this bond grow. Baby classes are a wonderful way to spend precious time with your baby, and have a chance to meet other families too. There are a huge list of benefits including combating loneliness, giving structure to your week, and enjoying seeing your baby develop new skills. There are plenty of free and cheap classes too. Search for classes near you on Happity today!
Looking for easy World Book Day Costume Ideas at the last minute?
It’s happened again! It seems like no matter how many warnings schools/nurseries give, World Book Day always seems to sneak up on us.
But don’t panic. There’s a world of characters currently sitting in your and your children’s wardrobes. With a few small additions, they can be the ideal last-minute costume for World Book Day.
Read on for inspiration!
4 Book Characters That Wear Pyjamas – World Book Day Costume Ideas
An easy route to take for your World Book Day costume is by reaching out for the PJs and dressing gowns. Make sure to wrap your little one up in enough layers where they won’t get cold, but they will love being able to wear their night clothes for school! Here are a few characters that wear Pyjamas (as well as a quick image for inspiration for each!)
5 Easy Animal Costumes To Reuse For World Book Day
Animal costumes are some of the most popular for little ones. You possibly already have a pair of cat ears or a tiger onesie lying around that can easily be repurposed for World Book Day.
Here are just a few animal characters from popular kids’ books!
The illustrations for a lot of children’s books are often kept simple and colourful. This means that there are actually a number of costumes sitting in your, or your children’s, wardrobe.
Here are a few examples (along with a quick description of what you can use for each!)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Or Veruca Salt:
For Charlie, a knitted jumper and a scarf work just fine. Veruca Salt needs a red dress, white tights and a pair of black school shoes. For both of these, you just need to Draw ‘Wonka – Golden Ticket’ on a piece of yellow/gold card, and the costume is complete!
The Little Princess
The Little Princess is a really simple costume! Grab your or your partner’s white T-shirt and try it on your little one. If it’s baggy enough and hangs like a dress, then it’s perfect. Cut out a yellow crown out of card and you have it sorted. (Make sure that your child wears plenty of layers underneath to stay warm!)
Paddington Bear
Paddington’s signature look is created with a blue coat, red hat and wellies. If you want to add an extra detail, attach a label to the button of their coat that reads: ‘Please look after this bear’.
Harry and his bucket full of dinosaurs
Dress your child in whatever clothes they want to wear for this one! All they need for this costume is a bucket and their dinosaur toys. See an example of this costume here
Matilda (or one of her classmates, like Lavender or Amanda)
For these three characters, the main thing that gives them their looks is the little details. Matilda often has a red bow and carries around a book. Lavender wears dungarees and has her hair in a plait that’s wound upwards around her head. A cute addition for this would be to carry a toy lizard in a jar! And Amanda also wears dungarees but has her hair in two plaits -pigtails style.
King Arthur
You can create a King Arthur costume with a mixture of one of your t-shirts, and one of theirs! Put one of their long-sleeved shirts on first, and then one of your loose red short-sleeved shirts on over the top. Wrap a belt around their waist, and cut out a shape to put onto the front of their costume. Then, with the addition of a toy sword, you have a simple King Arthur costume.
Re-Use Your Child’s Fancy Dress Items
If your kids are anything like ours, then you’re bound to have a few cute fancy dress costumes that your kids love to wear for doing anything and everything. Whether that’s playing at home, or heading over to the supermarket!
A good way of creating a great costume for your kids is to quickly reimagine how the outfits in their current fancy-dress box can be adapted for a book. If they have a red cape and a little basket, you can quickly create a Little Red Riding Hood costume. If they have a witches hat and a tutu, then you can easily create a witch costume from Room on the Broom. Or, alternatively, use that tutu to turn your little one into the Fairy Godmother.
What If My Child Doesn’t Want To Dress Up For World Book Day?
Has your child made it clear that they don’t want to dress up for World Book Day?
If you’ve faced tears or hesitation when it comes to picking a character, it might be that your little one doesn’t want to dress up. Have a little chat with them, and see what’s running through their head right now.
At the end of the day, World Book Day is supposed to be fun! It’s a way of celebrating books and encouraging little ones to show their love of reading. Give them a cuddle, and reassure them that they don’t have to do anything that they don’t want to.
Want to get out and about, have fun with your baby or toddler, and meet other parents?
Search Happity to find everything that’s happening for the under-5’s in your local area – from music and singing classes, to messy play, arts and crafts, baby massage, gymnastics and more. Simply enter your postcode and child’s age to search, and then book your spot in a few taps. Enjoy dedicated fun time with your little one, watch their skills develop, and make friends at the same time. Mums, dads, grandparents and carers will all find something to love!
What is it about certain sounds that help your baby to sleep?
Before they are born, babies can hear all sorts of sounds in the womb. The whooshing of a mother’s heartbeat, the sound of blood flow and even digestive noises. After they are used to these sounds, hearing silence for the first time can be very odd.
When we first brought my daughter home from the hospital after she was born, we brought her into the house and she became so unsettled. I think it was because that was the first time she had heard complete silence!
Through Lyra’s (my daughter’s) early stages, I tried a few different sounds to help soothe her. If you are looking for ideas to help your baby to sleep, here are a few nice sounds (and some examples!) to try.
White Noise/ Pink/ Brown Noise
My go-to when my daughter is sleeping. I have used white noise apps on my phone, sleep aid toys and a little white noise machine. I love that these options are all portable, and even when we go away, either to stay over at a family member’s house or away for a holiday, I can use these sounds to soothe my daughter. It can be really helpful in an unfamiliar place.
There are different types of white noise, such as pink noise and brown noise. These are all similar, but some contain lower frequencies so the sound sounds deeper. See which your baby prefers.
Household sounds
Our homes are full of appliances that create their own white noise. The familiarity of these domestic sounds can be very reassuring. Think of the gentle hum of the fan in hot weather, the rhythmic whirling of the washing machine or dish washer, or the sound of a Hoover downstairs. The sound of a running shower or tap can be very relaxing too. If your little one is napping downstairs at home, maybe the washing machine can soothe them to sleep!
Nature sounds
Sounds like the rain, rolling waves of the ocean, birdsong or sounds of the rainforest can be very calming. I really love using the sound of rolling waves with my daughter, this gentle sound can lull your little one into sleep.
Travel sounds
Modes of transport often come with their own white noise. The hum and whoosh that you hear inside a car or plane cabin can be calming. There is a reason babies often falls asleep in cars! Also the gentle rhythmic sound of a train track can also be pleasant to listen to as your little one drifts off.
Other sounds to help your baby sleep
There are a large range of soothing sounds to try. You could try classical music, or gentle shushing sounds can help at nap and bedtimes.
You can even purchase a Baby Shusher sound machine, that has a timer to help your little one sleep. I have the Fisher-Price Soothe ‘N Snuggle Otter which offers so many soothing sounds, and many of my friends swear by Ewan the Sleep Sheep who also features shushing, white noise and more.
It is a good idea to try a few different sounds or sleep aids to see what your baby likes best. And what you find soothing too- you never know, it could help you to drift off as well!
Want to get out and about, have fun with your baby or toddler, and meet other parents?
Search Happity to find everything that’s happening for the under-5’s in your local area – from music and singing classes, to messy play, arts and crafts, baby massage, gymnastics and more. Simply enter your postcode and child’s age to search, and then book your spot in a few taps. Enjoy dedicated fun time with your little one, watch their skills develop, and make friends at the same time. Mums, dads, grandparents and carers will all find something to love!
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