Team Happity, and our guest blogger Clinical Psychologist, Dr Zara Rahemtulla, has amazing tips on advice on how to support kids transitioning a child into starting in a nursery or school setting.
It’s important that parents feel confident in supporting their child with this transition. It is a transition that will feel different for every child and parent, and it is important to remember that none of us have been here before, so it is always best to expect the unexpected in terms of ours and our child’s reactions.
1. Start talking to your child about their nursery or school and their keyworker / key teachers NOW
Young children (Under 5’s) don’t have a fully developed ‘sense of time’, so weeks and months can feel long and they will need time to remember their old settings and relationships. Start to talk to them about nursery/school – e.g. what do they remember, who are they looking forward to seeing, look at photos online of their setting/key worker/teachers. If possible, arrange a Facetime Playdate with one or two of your children’s friends before going back. It is also useful to do the journey to nursery/school a few times to re-familiarise your child with the routine. Create a ‘countdown to nursery/school’ calendar for your child so they have something visual to help them prepare.
A top tip when talking to your child about going back is to stay calm, positive and excited.
2. Be prepared to listen to your child’s worries about going back
It is possible that your child may feel confused, sad, worried or angry about the transition back to their setting. Depending on their age, some children might worry about leaving their parent(s), be confused about why they have to go back and/or feel anxious about the virus. Your child will show you their feelings in various ways (again, age depending) so be on the lookout for: increase in tantrums or bigger tantrums, your child becoming tearful in situations they usually wouldn’t, being more withdrawn or an increase in aggressive behaviours. The best way to support your child with these reactions is to accept them, listen to them and not judge them.
It is important to remember that all of these reactions are normal and to be expected, and for most children, temporary.
3. See if your child can have contact with their keyworker / key teacher before they go back
Before they reopen, it might be possible for your child to reconnect with their keyworker via telephone, video call, email or letter. For example, you could ask whether your toddler could have a virtual ‘hello’, sing a nursery rhyme or read a story with their keyworker using an online platform. If you child is school age, perhaps you could email pictures of activities/learning to their key teacher and they can receive a response. This kind of contact reassures the child that their key person still exists, remembers them and is looking forward to seeing them again.
If your child is getting a new keyworker or teacher, they could also connect with them in these ways.
4. Tips when starting nursery: Arrange to have a catch up phone call or updates with your child’s key person
In addition to your child having contact with their key person, it’s a good idea for parents to also touch base with them before your child starts back. It is helpful to talk through any worries or questions you might have about the transition; this will help you feel more at ease about the process and support your child. It is also a good idea to talk to the keyworker about how your child has experienced lock down – if there have been any particular difficulties for your child, any behaviours you are worried about or if they have lost anybody close to them during this time.
“The nursery manager encourages us to call to check in if we want,” says Sally from Team Happity. “And don’t make us feel in any way as though we have a problem child and are reassuring that it’s all very normal and he’s doing well. Today we were even hanging around chatting for a few mins and she came out to tell us the tears had already gone before we’d even left!”
“Some nurseries use an app to give you live updates on your little one,” Says Helen from the team. “How much they have eaten, nappy change times, and photos. This gives a lot of reassurance to see your little one happily playing.”
5. Plan a treat for everyone after the first day/first weekend is over!
Another one of our top tips for when your child is starting nursery is to make sure you reward their bravery. Make sure you celebrate the fact that you have all persevered and worked hard to make the return to nursery/school as manageable and positive as possible. Praise your children for working hard, for being brave and not giving up. And then praise yourself even more! Take a moment at the end of the day/week to tell yourself you have accomplished something that no parent has ever had to do before and you are proud of yourself for it.
6. Tips when starting nursery: Prepare yourself for the tears (both theirs and yours!)
It’s good to expect tears, and it’s entirely normal for you to start sniffling at that initial separation. But try to stay strong!
“Drop them off positively,” says Emily, co-founder of Happity. “Let the staff deal with any big emotions and walk away. It’s hard but apparently helps them realise quicker that this is a good place to be and not to “try it on” to come home with you.”
“I aim for a swift no fuss drop off,” says Sally on Team Happity. “There tends to be a few tears but then apparently they disappear fairly quickly as soon as some trains and toys come out.”
“I definitely aim for a swift confident drop-off,” says Sara, Happity co-founder. “Kids are very perceptive and look to you for guidance on how they should feel about something, so if you have any doubts or go into it thinking that it’s going to be a big awful deal, they’ll pick up on the anxiety and be worried / scared about going into nursery.
“Whereas if you’re super positive about what a lovely time they’re going to have with all their new friends / how exciting it is and they see you smiling, they’re much more likely to go into it with a positive mindset.”
7. Top Tip when starting nursery: Look at different nurseries and choose one you feel comfortable with
At the end of the day, this is a settling period for both you and your children. The last thing you want to do is leave your child at a place that you’re not 100% comfortable or confident in.
“We didn’t have a lot of choice being in an oversubscribed area,” Says Sally. “But we did look round a few and there was a really nice feeling about the one we chose in the end. The staff were all really friendly and engaging, the kids looked happy, the environment was really welcoming, it was a good size – fairly small so it felt as though it was manageable for the staff, a lot of children start around the same age as they take children from 22 months and it looked organised and clean!”
8. Get in touch with your tribe of parents for support
You might be focussing on how you’re going to be settling your little one in when they’re starting nursery, but it’s important to not forget about yourself. Make sure that you surround yourself with a community of parents who will be able to offer you comfort, or allow you to ask any and every question you have!
“I’ve been really grateful for some parent guardian angels,” says Sally. “A whole bunch of people at Happity providing words of reassurance and words of wisdom (thanks lovelies ❤️) as well as a lady who always seems to be there at drop off with her slightly older daughter who offers moral support). It’s so lovely to get some reassurance that you’re doing the right thing when your child is acting as though you’re sending them to some sort of place of torture! Plus having someone to ask silly questions to is great!”
9. Top tips for starting nursery: Prepare your child by doing lots of baby classes in advance
It might be a little overwhelming being in an environment surrounded by kids if your child hasn’t gotten used to that before. It can be loud, and other children can be unpredictable too!
There’s lots of benefits to taking your little ones to baby classes, but in preparation for Nursery, classes will help them:
- Not feel so overwhelmed by being in a group with lots of other children
- Not leave them overwhelmed by the noise
- Get them used to copying instructions and listening to songs in advance. (They might even know a few that they start singing at nursery)
- Gives them more confidence about going into new settings / environments
- Helps them to learn in advance how they can interact / play with the stuff they see around them.
Are you looking for cheap activities and classes before your child starts nursery?
Activities for parents, guardians, and 0-5-year-olds are running all-year round on Happity. And there are plenty of cheap or free classes listed too, including activities run by libraries, churches and charities. They’re great fun, and they give you a chance to find support and friendship, which might lead to other play dates and meet-ups too.
Find a class on Happity today!
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