Are you a parent whose baby just won’t sleep and you’d like some ideas of what to try? We’re joined by Catherine Wasley AKA The Parent Rock, a certified holistic sleep coach, who’s here to give us her advice on what to do if your baby just isn’t sleeping.
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When your baby isn’t sleeping and you’re deep in the trenches of sleep deprivation, it can feel like you have zero control. It’s frustrating, overwhelming, and might even make you feel like you’re failing. But here’s the truth: no one can make another person fall asleep – babies included!
The harsh reality? Some aspects of sleep are simply beyond your control. Your baby’s temperament, natural sleep rhythm, developmental leaps, teething, illness, even when they fall asleep and how long they stay asleep, are all factors you can’t dictate.
But here’s the good news: once you understand (and, most importantly, accept) what’s out of your hands, you can shift your focus to what is within your control. And spoiler alert – there’s a lot you can do to improve sleep for both you and your baby!
1. Shift Your Mindset To What You Can Control
Understanding your baby’s unique traits gives you powerful insights into what helps them settle. When you tune into their individual needs, you’ll feel more confident, even during challenging moments.
Think About What Soothes Your Baby Best
Does your baby respond to a gentle pat, soft shushing, or slow rocking? Every baby is different, so finding what works best can make settling easier. Responding early to their cues, especially if your baby is highly sensitive, can also prevent full-blown distress, making it easier to soothe them back to sleep.
Remember That Emotions And Energy Matter – Baby Sleep Advice
Babies are incredibly perceptive. If there’s tension in the room, they feel it. Responding with calmness reassures them that they’re safe, helping them relax and sleep more peacefully.
Reassure Yourself You’re Not Making Them Clingy
A common worry is, “Am I making my baby too dependent?” The answer: absolutely not.
Independence starts with secure dependence. Babies rely on us to regulate their emotions, and meeting their needs builds security, not clinginess. By responding with calm and presence, you’re teaching them that their world is safe, helping them settle and sleep better in the long run.
2. Think About The Timing Of When Your Baby Falls Asleep
You have more control over this than you might think! The key is understanding the basics of sleep.
How Baby Sleep Works – Baby Sleep Advice
Two main factors govern nighttime sleep: circadian rhythm and sleep pressure.
- Circadian Rhythm is your baby’s internal clock, aligning with the day-night cycle and signaling when it’s time for a longer stretch of sleep.
- Sleep Pressure builds the longer your baby is awake, creating the need for sleep. Think of it like a balloon filling with air. Just enough, and sleep comes easily; too much or too little, and settling becomes tricky.
Naps rely solely on sleep pressure. If your baby stays awake too long, they can become stretched too far, making it harder for them to settle. If they haven’t built up enough sleep pressure, they may resist sleep altogether. Adjusting awake times based on tired cues helps find that sweet spot.
Not all babies show clear tired signs, which can make timing naps harder. But trust yourself – you know your baby best. And if they do get overcooked? It’s okay. They will eventually fall asleep. Just reset and try again tomorrow.
See Sleep Pressure As Your Secret Weapon!
By understanding sleep pressure and adjusting awake times to suit your baby, you can create a more predictable sleep pattern and feel more in control.
3. Remember The Importance Of Getting Outdoors And Movement – Baby Sleep Advice
Why Does Getting Outdoors Help Regulate My Baby’s Sleep?
Your baby’s circadian rhythm is closely linked to natural light, especially in the morning. Exposure to sunlight helps reset their internal clock, aligning their sleep-wake cycle with the natural day-night pattern, making sleep more predictable.
Even 15 to 20 minutes of morning light can make a difference! If getting outside isn’t an option, throw open the curtains and let in as much natural light as possible. Setting up a play area near a bright window can also help.
Why Does Movement Matter In Regulating Baby Sleep?
Physical activity, like tummy time, crawling, and practising new skills helps build up sleep pressure, making it easier for your baby to settle. Just like adults, babies sleep better when they’ve had plenty of movement during the day.
4. Harness The Power Of Calm – Why This Matters More Than Any Sleep Strategy
The one thing you can control, and what I believe has the biggest impact on everyone’s sleep, is calm, both yours and your baby’s. It’s the most powerful tool for better sleep, yet also the hardest to maintain, especially when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and just desperate for your baby to sleep.
We often focus on techniques, schedules, or methods, but without a foundation of calm, even the best strategies can unravel. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing sleep can be “fixed” with one magic solution – who wouldn’t want that?!
But the reality is, sleep has its ups and downs throughout life. Instead of chasing the perfect fix, focus on creating a calm environment. This sets the stage for better sleep, even during those inevitable tricky phases.
Why Your Calmness Matters First – Baby Sleep Advice
Your calmness matters because your baby picks up on your emotional state. The calmer you are, the more likely they’ll mirror that calm. That’s why calm first, sleep second is so important. When you remove the pressure to make sleep happen, it often follows naturally.
Practical Tips To Stay Calm As A Parent:
- Slow down: Speak softly, move slowly, and focus on your breathing. Even small actions like dropping your shoulders, loosening your jaw, and making eye contact with your baby, can help both of you feel more relaxed.
- Lower your expectations: Shift the focus from getting your baby to sleep at a specific time to simply creating calm. Sleep will follow.
- Have a mantra: A simple phrase like “This phase will pass” or “I’m enough for my baby” can help centre you in moments of stress.
Calming Techniques For Your Baby – Baby Sleep Advice
Every baby is different. Finding what works best for yours is key. Here are some soothing techniques to try:
- Shushing: A soft, rhythmic shhh mimics the sounds of the womb, offering comfort.
- Rocking: Gentle rocking is one of the oldest and most effective ways to soothe babies.
- Swaddling: A snug swaddle can provide security, mimicking the womb. Ensure it’s loose around the legs for movement, and stop swaddling once your baby starts rolling (around 12 weeks). Read more here from The Lullaby Trust on how to swaddle a baby safely.
- Feeding: If your baby finds comfort in feeding, whether breastfeeding or bottle feeding, use it as a calming ritual before sleep.
- Singing or humming: Your voice is one of the most soothing sounds for your baby. Singing lullabies or softly humming can create a calming, reassuring atmosphere for your baby.
- Skin-to-skin contact: Holding your baby close promotes bonding, provides warmth, and releases oxytocin, helping both of you feel calm.
- Baby massage: Gentle, rhythmic strokes can help relieve tension and promote relaxation.
- Paced breathing: Holding your baby close while practicing slow, deep breaths can help them sync to your calm energy.
As A Parent, Are You Worried About Negative Sleep Associations?
Let me reassure you, you’re not creating bad habits! If something is working for your baby right now, stick with it.
Babies thrive on comfort and security. What soothes them today will naturally evolve as they grow. Sleep needs and patterns change over time, and so do the tools that help them settle.
So, let go of the pressure to fix something that’s already working. Trust your instincts, meet your baby where they are, and know that this is all part of the process.
It’s OK To Ask For Help – Baby Sleep Advice
Baby sleep can feel like a never-ending puzzle, but remember you don’t have to “fix” it. Focus on what you can control, take it one day (or night) at a time, and trust that things will shift as your baby grows.
Some nights will be smooth, others will be a total mess, and that’s just how it goes. You’re not doing anything wrong, and your baby isn’t broken. Keep tuning into what works for your little one, and don’t forget to look after yourself too.
But if sleep deprivation is leaving you completely drained and things feel unsustainable, it’s okay to reach out for help. Actually, it’s more than okay, it’s exactly what you should do! Whether it’s leaning on your partner, friends, family, or getting support from someone who truly gets it, you don’t have to do this alone.
So, deep breath. Whether tonight is a dream or a disaster, you’re doing an amazing job. And hey, at least coffee exists, right?
Thanks To Catherine Wasley – The Parent Rock
Catherine Wasley is a certified holistic sleep coach (OCN Level 6) and the founder of The Parent Rock.
With over 30 years of experience supporting young families and as a mum of four, Catherine offers a compassionate, evidence-based approach to sleep coaching that’s tailored to each family’s unique needs, without any sleep training.
She’s passionate about empowering mums to trust their instincts, make sleep choices that are right for their family, and prioritise self-care along the way. For more support, visit The Parent Rock and grab your free guide to better sleep.
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