How do you get through Christmas and help your child with their emotional regulation? Helen Guntrip of Talk & Move joins us to explain five steps you can take to help support you and your children regulate your emotions this festive season.
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Why Can Christmas Feel Stressful With Children?
Christmas can be a special but busy time for families. We all have different sensory personalities, and this includes our babies and children. While some people thrive on the extra social interaction that comes with the festive season, others feel their social battery draining as they have to mix with more people than usual. Although it can be lovely to see family and friends and go to lots of Christmas events, it can also put increased stress on both your and your little ones’ nervous systems.
So here are five tips to support your family’s emotional regulation at Christmas time:
1. Reduce Stimulation This Festive Season
Babies and young children understand and experience the world through their senses. This means that they can get easily overwhelmed, especially in noisy and unfamiliar environments. So, how do you help them find calm?
Arrange to have a quiet space (in your home or someone else’s) where you can take your baby or child away to have a sensory break from the people, noise, lights and smells. We know that dimmed lights, closeness and quiet increase oxytocin and can be emotionally regulating for everyone. A distraction-free comfortable space to feed your baby can also be beneficial. Having a favourite book or familiar soft toy with you can encourage your child to have some ‘down time’ by enjoying a calm activity and reconnecting with you.
2. It’s Ok To Say No When People Want To Hold Your Baby Or Hug Your Children At Christmas Time (And All Year Round)
Some babies don’t mind lots of social interaction. In which case, enjoy having some time with your hands free! Other babies prefer to be held by someone familiar, especially if they are in an unfamiliar environment. When lots of different people hold your baby it can be unsettling for them. Why? This is because they have to get used to each person’s different touch, smell and voice. You are their safe space and one of the people who they feel most comfortable with.
You may worry that people will be offended if you don’t want to pass your baby around. Practice a script that you can use, e.g. ‘Thank you for offering. I’m going to hold her for now.’
There can be a pressure on young children to speak to, hug or kiss family and friends. Even at a young age, children are able to consent to physical affection. It is important to respect their choice and teach them that it is always ok to say no. You can practice a non-verbal alternative with your child such as a smile, wave or a thumbs-up if children don’t want to speak. Giving children the space to process their environment and the people around them can ultimately lead to more verbal interaction than if you force them to speak.
3. Get Some Fresh Air
Getting out of the house and into the fresh air can be great for you and your children. Take a sling or pram with you so that you can get out for a walk. Even just a short walk around the block can help you to feel calmer. Babywearing can be a good option inside too as babies can be comforted being close to you.
Toddlers often have lots of excess energy, especially with all the excitement of Christmas. Incorporating daily movement such as running, walking, scooting can be a great way for young children to regulate heightened emotions. If you can’t get out of your home try putting on some music and dancing with your little ones.
4. Don’t Be Afraid Of Your Baby Crying Or Your Child Having A Meltdown
All babies cry and all children have tantrums. People can have mixed reactions to hearing a baby or child crying, often linked to their childhood or experience as a parent. If your baby cries, try to remember and remind others that it’s their only way of communicating. When toddlers struggle with their emotional regulation at Christmas and are crying, they are unable to process what you are saying or respond to you with words. Crying children are not a reflection of your ability to parent. Remember, it’s the simple things that are always with you that are calming and regulating: your voice; singing and using a soothing tone, your touch; cuddles and massage, movement; gentle repetitive motions such as rocking and walking.
5. Drop The Need For Perfection
In order to help your children with their emotional regulation at Christmas time, you must first look after yourself. Try to reduce the pressure on yourself to be the perfect parent, perfect host and have perfect children, as there is no such thing! The reality is that your routines are likely to go out of the window, which can make both you and your children feel less settled. The festive period can be confusing for children as the usual structure of childcare, nap times and mealtimes changes.
Time is an abstract concept that is difficult for children to understand so we need to make it visual for them. Try making a visual timetable and draw simple pictures to show them what they will be doing, e.g.
- 1. Get dressed
- 2. Get in the car
- 3. Drive to Grandma’s house
- 4. Eat lunch
Your children may have an advent calendar but often the only thing they think about is the chocolate. As it gets closer to Christmas Day some children will benefit from a ‘how many sleeps until Christmas’ countdown chart to tick off each day. You can get free downloads of Christmas visual timetables and Christmas Countdown charts by visiting Talk & Move on Instagram.
What If It’s My Child’s First Christmas?
If it’s your first Christmas with a baby, or maybe as a parent of two or more children, have realistic expectations that it may feel different this year. If you do decide to take it easy, have a quiet Christmas and reduce the number of people you see, that’s ok. Protecting your own and your children’s nervous systems at this busy time makes it a calmer, more enjoyable time for everyone.
Thanks To Helen Guntrip – Talk & Move
Helen is a Specialist Speech and Language Therapist and Baby and Preschool Yoga teacher. She founded the Talk & Move Programme to develop children’s speech, language and emotional regulation skills through movement. She provides classes and training courses for parents and educators. You can find Helen on Instagram: Talk & Move
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