Fast forward five years with many fails and two miscarriages, we were now with our fourth clinic… Inside I was more affected than I thought. I was still holding on to a lot of grief.
Trigger Warning: This blog contains sensitive topics that may be triggering for others. Please read with caution and any necessary discretion needed.
Lauren shares with us her journey towards parenthood, and how it eventually lead to receiving IVF treatment at 40. Her story was bumpy, and at times absolutely torrential. She mentions experiencing loss and displays the heartbreak that can occur when taking the road for IVF treatment.
According to The Fertility Foundation, millions of people find out they will need to undergo fertility treatment to start or extend their family every year. Many of those will receive little or no NHS funding for their fertility treatment. It becomes a tough road to take for some families. But it doesn’t deter many…
Growing up, I thought that life would be simple
I always assumed what a lot of us did -you get married and have two children. It’s simple, I would have a regular cookie-cutter family that would pretty much mirror my parents family dynamic.
I wish I was that naïve now and life was that simple!
My family’s story technically starts 12 years ago.
It was 2010, I was 30 years old, and I just got back from an amazing holiday to Las Vegas and Miami to celebrate my milestone birthday with my boyfriend Dan.
We had been together for 8.5 years. It was a good relationship.
But, two weeks after we got back from our trip, I walked in the door to find him. Only, he was gone.
He, very suddenly, died at aged 31 of a heart attack. It was a shock to my system, and for quite a while I was at a loss. Within just those few seconds my life changed. Everything I knew was sudden different. I didn’t know how I was going to carry on. Where do you go from there?
The world keeps moving after loss
I wasn’t sure it was going to be able to keep moving, keep going, but the world can and does. The world carried on turning, and so, despite needing my mourning period, I needed to carry on living.
Seventeen months passed after the incident, I found a new home in my flat. And cementing himself into my life, and into my family, was my current husband, Marc. We got married in 2014 and thoughts of starting a family together, having a baby, were very quickly on the table. I thought that it would happen for us without a worry.
We assumed it would happen immediately. But, no pregnancy. No baby. It couldn’t happen. But, undeterred, and determined however, we started IVF up two years later.
IVF under the age of 40…
Again, I was so naïve. I thought IVF worked straight away as everyone told me they know someone with an IVF baby!
I gave a leap of faith and, unfortunately, did very little research. We went on a recommendation and the consultant absolutely promised us she would get us pregnant!
We were so excited! Especially as she had absolutely promised.
So it really took us back when the first round failed. We were shocked we thought it was meant to work straight away.
I, once again, was needing to pick myself up and somehow find the strength to keep going. Giving up was never an option. One of my fears is the unknown so this made me so anxious as the whole IVF process was a huge unknown. But, I was determined to not give up. Despite the heartbreak, we were determined to have our family.
Trying IVF again at 40
Fast forward 5 years, many fails and two miscarriages, and we were with our 4th clinic.
My husband was so withdrawn and didn’t communicate as he found it all so hard. I on the other hand had tunnel vision and couldn’t think about anything else than to keep going.
Inside I was more affected than I thought and was still holding on to grief, grief of losing Dan and never dealing with loss, grief of all the failed cycles of IVF and fear of ever knowing if I was going to be a mum.
So, worn down and bracing for grief and loss, we tried IVF again at 40 years old. We had 3 eggs collected, 1 fertilised, waiting to find out if that 1 embryo was making it to 5 days. Honestly, it was like living on tenter hooks. We were as anxious as ever, and desperately pleading for it to work.
The phone finally rang. We were riddled with nerves, and as we anxiously answered it, we were given the brilliant news that it had worked! We had the transfer (which on a separate note, I hate as it’s so uncomfortable and you have no dignity whatsoever! I always made sure I had a pedicure. Not that they ever looked at my feet!) and before you knew it, we had a bun in the oven. Our Family was about to begin.
My name is not just Lauren but Mummy too!
Seven weeks later, many tears and fears later, and we finally (finally!) heard a heartbeat for the first time ever!
For my whole pregnancy I was petrified and so SO nervous that something was going to go wrong. Especially as you hear stories of pregnancies being more difficult over 40 years old, IVF or not! We had gone through so much loss before then, it was understandable that we had our backs up or assumed the worst could happen.
But now, here we are in the current day.
He is 11 months old, and is my miraculous, cheeky, funny boy.
What do I think about parenthood? Well, it’s bloody hard being a mum. My worry is constant and I’m always being kept on my toes.
But he was worth every needle, every tear and every sleepless night!
I am one of the lucky ones and I love that my name is not just Lauren. But Mummy too!
The Fertility Foundation
The Fertility Foundation is a UK fertility charity which aims to provide support and help to individuals and couples with advice, information and ultimately, practical assistance in accessing fertility treatment.
You can apply for a one-time financial fertility grant that will be considered by their trustees. From finding a sperm or an egg donor to the challenges of our outdated legal system surrounding surrogacy same-sex couples and individuals also struggle with the same challenges of infertility.
They run regular events to help spread awareness of infertility and raise money to offer these grants to those who may apply for them. Send them some support through this link.
We’d love to hear from you. This Is Family is all about sharing family stories – especially from families who feel like their voices are not often heard. Every family has a unique story to tell. We’d love to hear yours. Find out how you can feature on our blog and get involved. So that other parents can feel less alone.
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