In the beginning breastfeeding went smoothly.
But by 10 weeks he was screaming and arching his back and refusing the breast at most feeds
Sally Rickard
Sally Rickard shares with us her experience of both receiving help from a breastfeeding consultant, and then being inspired to take it on herself! Find out more about her journey (and some of her personal advice about family life & raising children)
Our family set up is pretty traditional. I live with my partner and our two kids in Southeast London. He is originally from New Zealand and I used to live in New Zealand, but we didn’t know each other back when that was the case. When I was 12 my sister and I began monopolising the babysitting scene in our home village in Sussex. Since then I always loved working with children and had a nanny career that took me from Sydney to Vegas.
Because of my nannying experience I went into parenting with preconception that I knew all about babies; confident that life with a new-born would be easy! My first son was quite a challenging baby though. He needed to be close to me all the time and rarely slept in the day. I had arranged to have a 12 week maternity leave and then bring him to work with me. So I had to put myself under a lot of pressure thinking I could get breastfeeding and “routine” established in 12 weeks (totally crazy looking back).
My journey (personally and in my career) with breastfeeding
In the beginning breastfeeding went smoothly. But by 10 weeks he was screaming and arching his back and refusing the breast at most feeds.
I had a list given to me on the postnatal ward of local breastfeeding support. But when I spent a day desperately calling the numbers it quickly became obvious the list was totally out of date and useless.
In the end I rang a breastfeeding helpline and somehow… (the details are foggy!) a wonderful volunteer from the NCT arrived on a bicycle. She listened patiently and with a few tweaks, gave me some tips which totally saved my breastfeeding relationship.
By then I was already finding breastfeeding fascinating and that experience inspired me to become, a breastfeeding peer support volunteer. I volunteered in my local children’s centres, on the postnatal ward during the pandemic and on the national breastfeeding helpline. Then I studied further to become an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant).
Now, in the present, I run my own business supporting families in south-east and central London to reach their breastfeeding goals. I run a free weekly meet for breastfeeding families at our local nappy cafe Real Nappy Life in Crystal Palace. I’m there to answer any queries, but it’s the families supporting each other which is where the real magic lies.
Sometimes talking through a difficult experience with someone who is happy to listen, or hearing that other people are going through the same struggles, is all that is needed. Mums often come to the group and then later admit that it was the first time out of the house alone with the baby. Or that that was her first public breastfeeding experience. It really makes me feel proud!
What I wish I had known on my toughest days
I think the answer to this is a combination of two things:
Firstly, when times are really tough it’s okay to put the telly on or use a microwave meal or childcare. Whatever gets you through. You can’t be the perfect parent all the time, and that’s okay.
Also, following on from that advice, when there is a really dark day (and you do some parenting which you later regret), then you can always apologise and try better the next day. Don’t beat yourself up, it happens to everyone and guilt is unhelpful.
Secondly, children just want our presence. They don’t need material things. They just want us to see them and know them. As parents we are often concerned that we need to entertain them and that we need to solve their problems. But I really believe they just want us to be close.
This is my family now
My favourite part of family life is the school holidays, especially the summer holidays. I must have a mythological idea that these are endless summer days spent in the park! Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful that my kids are still very happy to do low-key stuff such as bike rides and exploring parks and picnics and so on as an activity. I love not having to rush out the door in the morning to be at school, not having to get dressed before breakfast and some days where you’re out of the house all day long.
As my children grow older (they are seven and nine now) I enjoy their sense of humour. Sometimes we are really tuned into each other’s humour and it feels more like conversation and jokes with a peer. I was afraid of them growing up and somehow I feel like we won’t be as close. Because they don’t need me in the same way as they did when they were pre-schoolers. But I can see that the relationship just changes – often in a very enjoyable way.
What is family? There’s no one-size-fits-all! All families are different and have their own stories to tell. And we’d love to hear yours. If you’d like to be featured on our blog as part of our #This Is Family series find out how to get involved here.
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