There’s lots of information and advice out there about post natal depression. One of the things that’s harder to find is the honest and brutal truth about what it feels like when you suffer from PND. It’s a difficult thing to talk about. But doing so can make other mums feel less alone. And help us all understand it more.

We have pulled together some candid and honest words from mums about what it’s like to have PND. Many are from interviews and blogs that Emily, our co-founder and a mental health campaigner, put together for Mummy links, which was the app she ran before joining Happity.

Opening up about the hard stuff

Many of the words from mums are confronting and challenging. They tell the honest and brutal truth about how mums feel. The more we open up and really talk about PND, the more we can learn. And the more we can demand better support for new mums.

It’s important to know that, however hard it feels, you CAN and WILL recover.

It’s OK to not be OK

PND can happen to anyone and it is NOT your fault. But there’s still a lot of stigma attached to it Here’s what mums had to say:

• “This is not how it was supposed to be or how I thought it would be and I felt like such a failure because of that”
• “I wish more people understood that it can so come out in anger or anxiety. I’m not trying to be mean or annoying. I am actually just not feeling okay”
• “I thought ‘Were social services going to take him away?'”
• “The overwhelming fear for a mum may be “If someone thinks I can’t cope they’ll take my baby away” which can be more crippling than the shame”
• “It is something that can happen to any parent – and can often be the one who looks like they’re coping and has it all together”
• “When I was struggling the most, I made the biggest effort to look like I had it together”
• “Masking is a very common way that women /mothers manage symptoms….so sad as it means feeling even lonelier and isolated”
• “I felt like a failure for having it and that there was something wrong with me. Why wasn’t I over the moon at having my little rainbow baby and relishing in every moment spent with her? Instead I was feeling down and miserable all the time. I wish I would’ve known that it’s okay to feel like that, my suppressing it and ignoring it made it 100x times worse”
• “Let’s normalise not being OK. And let’s normalise getting help. It’s time to stop making mums feel guilty for not coping”.
• “We definitely need to talk about this more, as too many mothers blame themselves when it isn’t their fault”

The brutal truth about PND

The honest truth is that having PND can be very frightening. As a result, you can be taken to some dark places. You can feel desperate and broken. These most confronting brutal truths are the things we talk about least as they’re the very hardest things to say out loud.

In an interview with The Guardian, Emma Jane Unsworth, opened up about the brutal truth of PND, saying:

I am jumpy and twitchy, like a person on high alert. I want to shout and scream and lie down and curl into a ball and have someone – anyone – just take the baby for a few hours and give me time to regroup. I’m feeling like I am on the edge of a psychic fit; some uncontrollable outburst….I feel, for the first time in my life, like it would sometimes be easier to just be dead. (At least then I could sleep.)

The Guardian, Emma Jane Unsworth

Incredibly tough feelings to admit. And incredibly tough feelings to feel too.

It’s important to remember, when you have intrusive thoughts, that it’s the PND talking, not you.

Finding a safe and supportive space to talk about them is one of the most vital things for any new mum suffering. When you get help you will be able to stop feeling this way and start to feel more like you again.

The brutal truth: Saying the unsayable

Here are some of the things mums want to say about how they felt, which feel ‘unsayable’:

• “I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this”
• “I’ve just wanted someone to take him away because I couldn’t do this”
• “I’ve not felt how everyone said I would feel. I didn’t love him”
• “I hate being a mum”
• “At times, I regretted having him”

They say them so that anyone else feeling this way will feel less alone. And less ashamed. To recognise these feelings as symptoms of PND. And to know that they can get help so that they stop feeling like this and start recovering.

Voices of recovery

One of the bravest and most important steps anyone suffering with PND can take is to reach out for help. Once you’ve taken that first step you can begin your road to recovery. It might not be a quick journey but you WILL get there in the end. And that’s really important to remember.

Here are what mums want you to know about recovery from PND:

• “Support is paramount, it’s not a weakness to ask for help. It’s the bravest step”
• “Having suffered so bad, I wish no one else ever would or is! The worst two years of my life.It’s so important for individuals to speak out and seek help.  There is light at the end of the tunnel”
• “It takes time. And lots of strength. You can also take one step forward and then two steps back. But keep going because you can do it”
• “(In recovery) every day/week you begin to feel a bit more like you and more able to enjoy being a mum”
• “The journey out of it was long and hard but I’m so glad I kept going. YOU can do it too”

To find out how to take that first step and reach out for help head to our PND page

More you might like:

16 things mums with PND wish you knew

How to tell if it’s PND or baby blues

My PND recovery: Talking, tea and tambourines